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Not so lucky here.. August 22, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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It has now been a year and a half since I graduated. I did my post graduation at a really nice college and in a really interesting booming (In India, just coming up) field.

But, even now, I still have not got a job. Im still unoccupied. I have been searching high and low…have been spreading the news of my joblessness by word of mouth thinking that maybe smebody somewhere might know someone who might know of a vacancy at their workplace. But to no avail.

In this area, God has completely left me alone..with absolutely no luck..and now, no hope left.

I feel so down just thinking of it. Near and dear have begun thinking that I do not want to work..that I do not long to be a career woman..that I am not searching hard enough. It hurts me so much when I hear undertones of this kind in the way people talk to me these days.. People have begun thinking I am just not capable..that maybe I am not good enough for a job!! Do you.. or anybody out there know how really bad it hurts right in the heart when you get that feeling?!!!! It hurts Real bad… Really really bad!!!

Nobody knows how desperate I am feeling. They don’t know that I have had enough and that I have lost all my positive thoughts.. my hopes.. my dreams.. everything!!! There is only this dull yearning in my heart that I wish I could get a job.. But, I feel everyone has deserted me in this area..

It really is very upsetting. Others would not be able to understand what I am going through.. the feelings that are running in my mind. I used to be confident and positive. But now, I have lost my very sense of self-worth even! What is the use of saying, ” Don’t worry. You will get a good job..” ? It doesn’t help. These are just words. I am not going to get a job with them.

I don’t think I any longer possess the self-confidence that I once had. Maybe even now, it might emerge and all of my basic characteristics are just cowering.. But, when..? Am I always going to be a home-maker? I don’t mean that to be a demeaning job. It is good. It takes up the whole day and there is a lot to do. But mostly it is that job without which life itself doesn’t run smoothly for everyone else!!!

But that is not what I studied all these years with a lot of hard work for! That is not why I followed my dreams, drawing my own path and reaching out to get what I aimed for!!! This is just not how I thought things would turn out..

In every other area, I can say I am blessed.. that I am happy.. but my career.. my job.. my work.. that is a subject whose mention can change my mood.. can upset me.. can stop all my talking..

I feel I have become a very boring person. I feel that none would be interested in talking to me now.. coz’ they would be bored with what I would have to say.. I am married and I cook and try to make the house a home for my husband. What is there to talk so much about that?! Nothing!!! Nothing at all!!! 😦

I have even lost touch with my hobbies and sit in front of the computer all day long doing this or that or rather nothing much!!! :/

I yearn for a job in my field of expertise. I yearn to earn a salary every month. I yearn to go out into the world and show everybody how able I am!

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Comments»

1. Cymbria - August 22, 2008

Life is timing, have faith. God has not left you, only given you this mental space to enjoy this quiet (newlywed) time in your life. An engineering friend of mine has been job hunting for over a year now and is feeling the same demoralization. Completely understandable. Don’t give up. In the meantime, how about connecting to some blogs written by people in your field. Start some comment conversations to get that ol’ brain exercising again. Hang in there : )

2. SanityFound - August 23, 2008

Ok I want to know what you studied, where you’re based and what were your hobbies in any order either here or in my email k. As much info as you are willing to give a total stranger you know next to nothing about *grins*

3. Giselle - August 23, 2008

Cymbria: Thanks dear… It truly has become a very sensitive topic for me now. It hurts so much knowing that even though I was a good student, I still have not become a “career-woman”.. Guess I do have to contact some others from this field and set my mind into action..

SanityFound: Hmm..Now, Ive done my masters in Biomedical Genetics..but more information.. Hmm! Well, Should I Really do that now..? 😉 I guess I got to know you a little more for that right…

4. rb - August 24, 2008

Hey Giselle,

I think most women who get married, go through this phase in their lives. My friends have gone through it and even my mom had been through this. There are many factors to be taken into consideration here:

(1) You’ve moved to a completely new setting, due to which knowingly or unknowingly, there is an urge inside you to ‘prove’ yourself to the new members of your family – so you do that either by adjusting yourself to the ‘new’ set of ‘values’, ‘outlook’ and even ‘jokes’! You tend to do things (maybe) like cooking, cleaning, etc just to prove yourself. And hence it is very natural for you to think of your talents and capabilities from a career point of view. Had you been at your own home, unemployed for a few weeks or months, you would have felt very different. Coz, you dont have to prove it to anyone how talented / capable you are.

(2) Secondly, studies have shown that modern women always associate their sense of self worth directly to their occupation / career. Though this was not the case twenty years ago, this is a syndrome which our generation have to deal with. So its up to you to make a choice: does career provide you with a sense of self worthiness or does simply being a ‘wife’ belonging to a great husband bestowed with the responsibility of taking care of an entire household and its future makes you worthwhile? At least for a little while, till you find a job.

(3) Thirdly, career is not everything!! You’ve said that you’ve been blessed in every other area of life! How many people are as lucky as you? Think about it!

(4) Fourthly, you can check out the latest developments happening worldwide in your field through TV, newspapers, internet, etc. You can even start preparing your CV. Think that soon you’re going to work.

(5) And finally if you have nothing to do, you know which blog to visit 😉

Take care and don’t worry. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself!” Do these words sound familiar?

5. Giselle - August 24, 2008

Hey Rb!:) Thanks for your advise… feels great after reading it.. but firstly.. just to make matters clear.. its been a year and a half since ive been trying for a job.. and it is not a “phase” post-marriage.. coz’ I knew I was going to marry this man for quite sometime… And he has no problem with my going to work…
And well.. the proving myself part..yes.. i have got to confess to that…
.. my cv is already prepared and moreover undergone editing twice too!!!
Anyway… i like that phrase.. i shall keep it running in my mind 🙂

Well, I got to hold onto my hope I guess… and yea.. I shall keep visiting your site 😀

6. sandrar - September 10, 2009

Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

Giselle - September 12, 2009

Thanks Sandra… hope you follow it sometimes.. im not able to write much these days.. but trying to make time… 🙂 will b uploading a post soon 🙂


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