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Not so lucky here.. August 22, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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It has now been a year and a half since I graduated. I did my post graduation at a really nice college and in a really interesting booming (In India, just coming up) field.

But, even now, I still have not got a job. Im still unoccupied. I have been searching high and low…have been spreading the news of my joblessness by word of mouth thinking that maybe smebody somewhere might know someone who might know of a vacancy at their workplace. But to no avail.

In this area, God has completely left me alone..with absolutely no luck..and now, no hope left.

I feel so down just thinking of it. Near and dear have begun thinking that I do not want to work..that I do not long to be a career woman..that I am not searching hard enough. It hurts me so much when I hear undertones of this kind in the way people talk to me these days.. People have begun thinking I am just not capable..that maybe I am not good enough for a job!! Do you.. or anybody out there know how really bad it hurts right in the heart when you get that feeling?!!!! It hurts Real bad… Really really bad!!!

Nobody knows how desperate I am feeling. They don’t know that I have had enough and that I have lost all my positive thoughts.. my hopes.. my dreams.. everything!!! There is only this dull yearning in my heart that I wish I could get a job.. But, I feel everyone has deserted me in this area..

It really is very upsetting. Others would not be able to understand what I am going through.. the feelings that are running in my mind. I used to be confident and positive. But now, I have lost my very sense of self-worth even! What is the use of saying, ” Don’t worry. You will get a good job..” ? It doesn’t help. These are just words. I am not going to get a job with them.

I don’t think I any longer possess the self-confidence that I once had. Maybe even now, it might emerge and all of my basic characteristics are just cowering.. But, when..? Am I always going to be a home-maker? I don’t mean that to be a demeaning job. It is good. It takes up the whole day and there is a lot to do. But mostly it is that job without which life itself doesn’t run smoothly for everyone else!!!

But that is not what I studied all these years with a lot of hard work for! That is not why I followed my dreams, drawing my own path and reaching out to get what I aimed for!!! This is just not how I thought things would turn out..

In every other area, I can say I am blessed.. that I am happy.. but my career.. my job.. my work.. that is a subject whose mention can change my mood.. can upset me.. can stop all my talking..

I feel I have become a very boring person. I feel that none would be interested in talking to me now.. coz’ they would be bored with what I would have to say.. I am married and I cook and try to make the house a home for my husband. What is there to talk so much about that?! Nothing!!! Nothing at all!!! 😦

I have even lost touch with my hobbies and sit in front of the computer all day long doing this or that or rather nothing much!!! :/

I yearn for a job in my field of expertise. I yearn to earn a salary every month. I yearn to go out into the world and show everybody how able I am!


About souls and after-life.. March 27, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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I just returned from a funeral now.

As I was coming back home, my mind began asking me questions.. “What is death?”, “Where does one go after he is dead?”, “Is the person still alive even though he is dead?!”, “Is after-life a reality or atleast a possibility?”

According to me, death is an occurence where our soul leaves the physical entity known as our body, in which it stayed for all these years in a state of symbiosis.. ie; the soul gave the body a life and the body in turn gave the soul a home as well as a venue through which many things could be learnt ..thus enriching the soul..

So death, in line with what I think…does not actually take away a person’  life. Instead, it releases that person’  soul into a state where it feels nothing more, yearns for nothing but is content..

People die in different ways..Some peacefuly, some with fear in their hearts, and there are those who are killed accidentally and others who are murdered too… I feel that those who die peacefully are those who have accepted the fact that they are dying and this thought in itself lets the soul feel more free and happy..  And those who are murdered and did not get come to terms with the aspect of death itself, I think that even they after death, become cleansed…

The souls of our ancestors look after us always and in some spiritual way does guide us…  I think maybe all of these souls together is what constitutes God.

So in a way these people are actually alive and not dead.Because, it is the soul which makes a person what he is. So if the soul is stil lalive.. that would mean the person is still alive..only that we are not able to see, hear or touch that person.. But the essence is stil there…

After-life.. Now thats a widely discussed topic… I think we all do have a certain past and the forces of the universe does everything to make eternity flow in an organized manner.

Thats what I believe.