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Not so lucky here.. August 22, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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7 comments

It has now been a year and a half since I graduated. I did my post graduation at a really nice college and in a really interesting booming (In India, just coming up) field.

But, even now, I still have not got a job. Im still unoccupied. I have been searching high and low…have been spreading the news of my joblessness by word of mouth thinking that maybe smebody somewhere might know someone who might know of a vacancy at their workplace. But to no avail.

In this area, God has completely left me alone..with absolutely no luck..and now, no hope left.

I feel so down just thinking of it. Near and dear have begun thinking that I do not want to work..that I do not long to be a career woman..that I am not searching hard enough. It hurts me so much when I hear undertones of this kind in the way people talk to me these days.. People have begun thinking I am just not capable..that maybe I am not good enough for a job!! Do you.. or anybody out there know how really bad it hurts right in the heart when you get that feeling?!!!! It hurts Real bad… Really really bad!!!

Nobody knows how desperate I am feeling. They don’t know that I have had enough and that I have lost all my positive thoughts.. my hopes.. my dreams.. everything!!! There is only this dull yearning in my heart that I wish I could get a job.. But, I feel everyone has deserted me in this area..

It really is very upsetting. Others would not be able to understand what I am going through.. the feelings that are running in my mind. I used to be confident and positive. But now, I have lost my very sense of self-worth even! What is the use of saying, ” Don’t worry. You will get a good job..” ? It doesn’t help. These are just words. I am not going to get a job with them.

I don’t think I any longer possess the self-confidence that I once had. Maybe even now, it might emerge and all of my basic characteristics are just cowering.. But, when..? Am I always going to be a home-maker? I don’t mean that to be a demeaning job. It is good. It takes up the whole day and there is a lot to do. But mostly it is that job without which life itself doesn’t run smoothly for everyone else!!!

But that is not what I studied all these years with a lot of hard work for! That is not why I followed my dreams, drawing my own path and reaching out to get what I aimed for!!! This is just not how I thought things would turn out..

In every other area, I can say I am blessed.. that I am happy.. but my career.. my job.. my work.. that is a subject whose mention can change my mood.. can upset me.. can stop all my talking..

I feel I have become a very boring person. I feel that none would be interested in talking to me now.. coz’ they would be bored with what I would have to say.. I am married and I cook and try to make the house a home for my husband. What is there to talk so much about that?! Nothing!!! Nothing at all!!! 😦

I have even lost touch with my hobbies and sit in front of the computer all day long doing this or that or rather nothing much!!! :/

I yearn for a job in my field of expertise. I yearn to earn a salary every month. I yearn to go out into the world and show everybody how able I am!

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The days after… August 17, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Relationships.
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Continuing from where we left off quite sometime ago … Marriage went by so fast! Awaiting the day for oh! so many years now, it feels like the D-day whizzed off as though I were watching the NASCAR!!!

And hey! On that day, as I was walking down the aisle towards where my fiance sat, it felt like I couldn’t feel my legs and any moment I would turn and run away home, away from all my family, friends, relatives and my beloved who was waiting for me upon the stage. But then, holding on or rather clutching my dad’ hands, I finally ended up sitting beside my love. And then, everything was a blur till the thought finally struck me that I was married!! That I was finally legally Mrs. Giselle Jason. (Thats how we decided upon the name; instead of the surname,coz’ it is the man Im marrying.)

It feels great to be married. Yes.. Nothing very different other than we are living together now and I can take care of him and pamper him to my heart’s content!!! 🙂 But everything else feels the same and in fact so much more comfortable than even the thought of what if I had to marry a stranger!!!

Getting to know him is like opening a present everyday (O yes.. I did take that statement from the sitcom “FULL HOUSE”.. I really enjoy that show! But, its true!!!)..

Still.. It feels as though Ive been blessed to have been loved by such a wonderful man! He’ caring and considerate.. He’ willing to bend a little and humour my silly antics… Although, he sure is strong in his principles and views of certain aspects of life. But the love for me shines through his eyes and just being beside him envelopes me in this cocoon of love and safety..

His love is like this old warm blanket.. Very comfortable.. very cozy.. very warm and absolutely loved!!!! 🙂

OMG!!!! June 22, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Relationships.
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18 comments

Just 20 days more!!! I am going to be married to the love of my life in just 20 days! That knowledge seen in writing (as I saw when I visited ewedding.com) scared me so much!!!

I mean..a marriage is something not just between two people right.. It is a joining of two families..adjustments, commitments, difference of views and opinions.. OMG!! I am SO freaked out right now!!! I feel this tumultous feelings inside me.. I wanna marry him and share my life with him.. But at the same time, I am scared about how to interact with the rest of his family when we all become one big family in 20 days time..

Ooh baby! I just wish these pre-marriage jitters would go away!!! Thought I wasnt going to have them.. Now, I see I was wrong.. Just hope I get through this soon!!!

I am excited.. (Very much..) but I am a lil tensed too…