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Musings September 9, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
Tags: , , , , ,

Why can I not find happiness in myself? Why do I feel as though I’m withering away? Why is it that I’m turning into someone I myself do not recognize anymore? Why is it that even though I have every reason to be happy, I still yearn for more and bring about unhappiness unto myself? Why do I have to want more? Why can I just accept things as they are? Why do I want change? Why do I want excitement? Why am I not taking care of myself anymore? Why am I not even interested in grooming up and going out shopping, interacting with people? Why have I become such a grouch? How did I become this grumpy and whining? Why do I feel as though my life is slipping away from my hands? Why do I feel as though I have no way out and that others are marking my way for me? Why cant I just be left alone and not be forced to do what I don’t want to? Why cant I just have what I want?!!!

I see others smiling and I think whats stopping me from smiling myself? I see others having fun and getting things done the way they want it to be done and I wonder whats stopping me from having the same work for me?

Why do I have to want to please others? Its my life and I ought to live it the way I want to. Why do I have to spend my time trying to keep everyone around me happy and ending up with nothing left for myself.. even these “other” people’ happiness!