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Musings September 9, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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Why can I not find happiness in myself? Why do I feel as though I’m withering away? Why is it that I’m turning into someone I myself do not recognize anymore? Why is it that even though I have every reason to be happy, I still yearn for more and bring about unhappiness unto myself? Why do I have to want more? Why can I just accept things as they are? Why do I want change? Why do I want excitement? Why am I not taking care of myself anymore? Why am I not even interested in grooming up and going out shopping, interacting with people? Why have I become such a grouch? How did I become this grumpy and whining? Why do I feel as though my life is slipping away from my hands? Why do I feel as though I have no way out and that others are marking my way for me? Why cant I just be left alone and not be forced to do what I don’t want to? Why cant I just have what I want?!!!

I see others smiling and I think whats stopping me from smiling myself? I see others having fun and getting things done the way they want it to be done and I wonder whats stopping me from having the same work for me?

Why do I have to want to please others? Its my life and I ought to live it the way I want to. Why do I have to spend my time trying to keep everyone around me happy and ending up with nothing left for myself.. even these “other” people’ happiness!

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Hmm.. June 28, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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2 comments

I am SO totally completely bored right now!!!

Its raining here. And when it rains, the best thing is to curl up with a good book on the bed with some soft music playing in the background and some yummy tempting warm food beside you!!!

Else sitting on the porch, preferably on a rocking chair with a mug of warm chocolate is a blissful experience!!

Even better would mostly be to get romantic with the man you love!!! Jason and I just love the rains.. But not when we have to go out someplace.. And its wonderful snuggling together in bed 🙂 His strong warm hands around me.. Mmm.. Truly blissful!!!

Undeserved April 30, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Poetry.
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The leaves stand still

Not a single twig

out of line..

I feel no wind dancing around my face,

twirling my hair..

The clouds are looming

dark and thick

with its unspent content..

Like the tears I feel

filling behind my eyes..

Sitting lost in thoughts

wondering where I went wrong

I feel an ache in my heart

as the tears threaten

to flow any moment…

Let it go, I tell myself..

So be it, I tell myself..

But deep inside

I know I dont deserve this.

I dont deserve

to sit in a corner and cry

I dont deserve

to be shunned and looked down upon

by the ones who matter most..

I just dont deserve to be treated this way!!!

I deserve

to be cherished,

to be loved,

to be hugged and be valued..

But here I am,

in a corner..

Misunderstood!

Disliked!!

Ill-treated!!!

The threatening tears finally find a way out..

and I cry n’ cry..

For moments lost,

for love lost,

for people gone,

for those dreams of being understood gone..

I cry for becoming this what I am now

I cry for changing into something I am not..

The rains wash down my tears

and I feel cleansed

As I listen to the chirp of the birds,

and watch the flowers smiling at me

as the sun shines on me,

revealing new ways, new dreams.. and a new bloom!!!

-Lucky (LHNV)