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Musings September 9, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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Why can I not find happiness in myself? Why do I feel as though I’m withering away? Why is it that I’m turning into someone I myself do not recognize anymore? Why is it that even though I have every reason to be happy, I still yearn for more and bring about unhappiness unto myself? Why do I have to want more? Why can I just accept things as they are? Why do I want change? Why do I want excitement? Why am I not taking care of myself anymore? Why am I not even interested in grooming up and going out shopping, interacting with people? Why have I become such a grouch? How did I become this grumpy and whining? Why do I feel as though my life is slipping away from my hands? Why do I feel as though I have no way out and that others are marking my way for me? Why cant I just be left alone and not be forced to do what I don’t want to? Why cant I just have what I want?!!!

I see others smiling and I think whats stopping me from smiling myself? I see others having fun and getting things done the way they want it to be done and I wonder whats stopping me from having the same work for me?

Why do I have to want to please others? Its my life and I ought to live it the way I want to. Why do I have to spend my time trying to keep everyone around me happy and ending up with nothing left for myself.. even these “other” people’ happiness!


Hmm.. June 28, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Réflexions diverses.
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I am SO totally completely bored right now!!!

Its raining here. And when it rains, the best thing is to curl up with a good book on the bed with some soft music playing in the background and some yummy tempting warm food beside you!!!

Else sitting on the porch, preferably on a rocking chair with a mug of warm chocolate is a blissful experience!!

Even better would mostly be to get romantic with the man you love!!! Jason and I just love the rains.. But not when we have to go out someplace.. And its wonderful snuggling together in bed 🙂 His strong warm hands around me.. Mmm.. Truly blissful!!!

Undeserved April 30, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Poetry.
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The leaves stand still

Not a single twig

out of line..

I feel no wind dancing around my face,

twirling my hair..

The clouds are looming

dark and thick

with its unspent content..

Like the tears I feel

filling behind my eyes..

Sitting lost in thoughts

wondering where I went wrong

I feel an ache in my heart

as the tears threaten

to flow any moment…

Let it go, I tell myself..

So be it, I tell myself..

But deep inside

I know I dont deserve this.

I dont deserve

to sit in a corner and cry

I dont deserve

to be shunned and looked down upon

by the ones who matter most..

I just dont deserve to be treated this way!!!

I deserve

to be cherished,

to be loved,

to be hugged and be valued..

But here I am,

in a corner..




The threatening tears finally find a way out..

and I cry n’ cry..

For moments lost,

for love lost,

for people gone,

for those dreams of being understood gone..

I cry for becoming this what I am now

I cry for changing into something I am not..

The rains wash down my tears

and I feel cleansed

As I listen to the chirp of the birds,

and watch the flowers smiling at me

as the sun shines on me,

revealing new ways, new dreams.. and a new bloom!!!

-Lucky (LHNV)