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The “BUT’s” of my thoughts… July 6, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Relationships.
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What do you do when a change is coming over in your life.. and you are entering the next stage of your life but you don’t want to leave it and move on but instead, you want to remain a child forever…?

What do you do when you want to enter into marriage with the man you love and yet you dont want to leave your parents..?

What do you do when you are happy and confused at the same time? What if your heart beats at a rapid rate each time you think of having to leave your own home and move in with someone else within another 5 day?! OMG! 5 days!!! Just a mere 5 days and I’m married!

I’m getting really worried. I have not been able to slim down as I wanted to.. I don’t wanna leave my parents and sister and family.. I don’t want to leave my own home and my freedom.. I don’t want to lose my independance and become responsible for another person too.. I don’t want to have to take care of anyone else other than me yet!!!!

I want to remain where I am..    …   I am yet a fledgling, having not seen the world in its true colours.. but having to fly just because I look big enough to be able to take on the responsibility..

Can I? Will I?? … O God.. Must I????!!!  A whole different person who is a separate entity from myself.. A whole different family whose habits, characteristics, mannerisms, opinions, and thinking is a world different from that of mine!

I don’t want to go.. I don’t want the hours to fly by and I don’t want the days to fade into nights and yet again bloom into another bright day!!!

I want to stay exactly where I am.. But I cant.. Can I? I love him. But, I love my present life too. I don’t want things to change..

I wanna have my freedom forever!!!


Talking about him.. May 3, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Relationships.
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There are times I wish I were with him. In fact, I yearn for that almost all the time.

I did not know when I first met him that he would be the one for me.. that someday I would be his.. that he would be the one I would spend the rest of my life with.. that I would find so much of this thing that we keep on hearing about so often and that so many follow sometimes vainly- true love – from him…

The first moment my eyes fell on him, I felt some sort of attraction.. a pull you could maybe say. My friends did not think much of my choice.. but he was somehow seemed very captivating to me with his smart dressing, his long strided determined walk, his cautious eyes, his innocent smile and his completely charming laughter 🙂 Thinking about the first time we talked to each other, a smile already forms on my face.. Both of us were at a loss for words but me being the chatterbox that I am, somehow managed to keep up the conversation while tension was eating me from inside and my heart was beating so loud that I thought he might hear it!!! 😉

He has a weird sense of humour..but 😀 makes me laugh almost all the time 🙂 He loves holding my hand over the gear while driving.. He enjoys teasing me and I’m pretty sure he finds it a great hobby to see all the various expressions that so easily comes over my face when he says something or the other..

When we are together and alone he makes me want him so bad and then teases me by pulling away and giving me that o so adorable smile and a naughty laughter! How can I even get angry at him when face to face..Absolutely no chance!

Everything was moving so smoothly. .so beautifully.. life was brilliant..bright..full of hope..full of shine..               Yea.. The problem is now. When everything became so alright with everyone.. when everyone now knows that we are soon going to be man and wife..  It now has become so trapped.. somehow secluded.. and I feel so much pressure from all sides..   “You must do this this way.”Don’t do that.”, “You have to take care of him.”, ” Do you know cooking?”, “No. You have to see to it that he is comfortable.”, “You have to find a job near his place.”, “Does he approve?”, “Don’t you think you should ask him about it?”, “How can you take your own decision? Check with him too.”

Why? Why? Why?!!! We have been together for like forever!!!! 4 years is quite a long time and in these years, we had gotten to know each other quite a bit.. and I thought.. actually, I felt that we were married..in a way. The only thing lacking from our “marriage” was the fact that it was not yet legal. But, seeing how things turn after making a relationship public and getting engaged, I sometimes feel that maybe it wasn’t such a wise idea. I could have just stayed a spinster and kept loving him…

But, that is just one side of the coin…

All the freedom we get with each other and all the time we get to spend with each other make up for everything else.. Even now, deep inside my heart, nothing has changed from the first moment I met him.. All those feelings.. All those thoughts.. All the crazy beating of my heart.. Everything is the same! 🙂

Still, there is that aspect of subtlety missing these days. No more of those adventures of getting away without anybody else’ knowledge.. No more long night calls and morning wake up calls.. No more extra appreciation and passionate desire to spend time alone.. I miss all that..

Still… ….    ….  to be with the man you love and who loves you back.. to be an equal partner and spend your life with him.. to intertwine both your roads of life to make it one long happy journey is enough to keep any girl happy..

He is the one who made me even think of marriage and kids.. in short, the entire package! 😉

..So, yea.. i cant wait to begin my life with him..as man and wife 🙂

Especially for guys!!! April 4, 2008

Posted by Giselle in Relationships.
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I don’t know why I even bother to try to help my partner learn me and get to know my likes, dislikes, wants, tastes and desires!!! cz’  basically, there is no use. He does not care. He has so many things happening in his life and so many more things that he cares so much more about that I feel I am an extra baggage that he longed for once upon a time in his life when he had nothing else better to do… 😦

Are all men like this? Are all men so selfish? Why don’t men understand that all women want is a little love…? A missed call occasionally, to show that he misses her.. surprises, to show her that he thinks about her.. late night talks, to show that he wants to be with her.. picking up her call, to show her how important she is to him.. just talking to her.. nothing special or nothing important or nothing worldly..just to show her that he likes spending time with her.. doing things for her, to show her his affection.. complimenting her upon her looks and the dress/hairstyle/sandals she wears, to show her that he notices every little thing that she does for him…

Why? Why is it soooo hard for a man to express such small things such as these? This is all it takes to make her feel like a princess.. like the most important person in his life.. like he cant live without her.. like she is all he needs to make his life complete.. like she means everything to him!!! These are such small things.. but at the same time, so meaningful… 

 But, NO! He won’t do that. He won’t do any of that. Instead, he will say “Ive apologized.” Like as though that is what she wanted to hear.. like as though that’s going to make up for what he did. An apology meant from the heart means something .. but when u say “Sorry” and then these two really male chauvinistic words, it sounds more like “Ive told you sorry. So now if you want u can accept it. I basically don’t care!”

Why would any guy say such words to try to make up with a woman?!!! If he had to say these words and believe that thats going to make everything alright, then I would say he is completely out of his mind!

I think it is only a wife who will be with her husband for the rest of his life. So, all that a man can look forward to in his old age, is his wife. She’  the only one who will be there for him, with him.. But for that to happen, he has to make her feel loved by him when he is young! It doesn’t take much.. but it would mean a lot to her!

We are not talking about material or worldly stuff here..  Wouldn’t you also like to be shown a little love to.. Wouldn’t you like to be the most important person in your girl’ life? Wouldn’t you like it when she smiles at you? Wouldn’t you like her to be with you when you meet your friends? Wouldn’t you like to show her off to the world? Wouldn’t you like her to call you? Wouldn’t you like her to send you mails/sms? Wouldn’t you like it when she says “You look gorgeous, honey..” ? Wouldn’t you want to be in her mind? Wouldn’t you feel very important if she hung up on her friends just for you? Wouldn’t you feel great if she dedicated her time for you.. whether it be to do something special with you or just stay in..? Wouldn’t you just love it if she travelled all the way from where she lives just to come see you and tell you how much she loves you and misses you??!!!!  O yes, I know you would be happy!! … Maybe guys don’t need it to that extent…but its exactly these small things that can make a girl yours forever!!!